1 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,287 {\an8}- The other night I was out at a basketball game 2 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,205 {\an8}with my whole family. - Right. 3 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,042 {\an8}- And I only asked this guy in front of me to just sit down 4 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:46,004 {\an8}a bit so I could see, and he beat me unmercifully. 5 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,758 {\an8}He beat me very badly and my hairpiece fell off. 6 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,302 {\an8}And it was awful, because when he beat me, 7 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,512 {\an8}my teeth were also in my hairpiece. 8 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,015 {\an8}Oh, man. 9 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,475 {\an8}The Jerky Boys are like the greatest 10 00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,642 {\an8}living comedy geniuses. 11 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,019 {\an8}I know. 12 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,729 {\an8}It's like the telephone was just 13 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,564 {\an8}sitting there for 100 years and it took these two guys-- 14 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:05,815 {\an8}To figure out what it was for. 15 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,068 {\an8}See, yeah, you understand. You understand. 16 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,737 {\an8}All right. I gotta take a leak. 17 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:11,738 {\an8}Oh, shit. 18 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,739 {\an8}Oh, fuck. 19 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,324 {\an8}Clive, 2 o'clock. 20 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,742 {\an8}He follows you in there, you're a dead man. 21 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:16,743 {\an8}This is bad. 22 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,203 {\an8}I really got to go. 23 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,579 {\an8}You saw me down that Capri Sun at lunch. 24 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:20,747 {\an8}I know. You were sucking that straw 25 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,415 {\an8}like it promised you a modeling contract. 26 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,625 {\an8}But Johnny, you got to hold it. 27 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:24,834 {\an8}It's not safe to hold your pee. 28 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:25,877 {\an8}You got to do it, man. 29 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,253 {\an8}Just think about baseball. 30 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,588 {\an8}That's not how it works. 31 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,090 {\an8}Think about your dad coming out of the bedroom 32 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,591 {\an8}naked on a weekend. 33 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,717 {\an8}What the fuck? 34 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:34,052 {\an8}With his hog hanging out of his robe 35 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,179 {\an8}waving like a bat sleeping through an earthquake. 36 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,472 {\an8}Shut the fuck up, all right? 37 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,265 {\an8}Just follow me in there and stand guard. 38 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,934 {\an8}All right. 39 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,157 {\an8}All right, go on, get to peeing. 40 00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,075 {\an8}All right, just watch the door. 41 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,618 {\an8}OK. 42 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,039 {\an8}- Shit. - Go on, hurry up. 43 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:04,290 {\an8}I can't, all right? 44 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,625 {\an8}There's another guy in here and I'm pee shy. 45 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,585 {\an8}Jesus Christ. Hey dude, do you mind? 46 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:08,962 {\an8}My buddy's self conscious. 47 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,255 {\an8}Yeah, I thought he might be having some trouble 48 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,965 {\an8}when I didn't hear anything. 49 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,343 {\an8}I just want you to know, you take all the time you need to. 50 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,345 {\an8}I won't judge. 51 00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,686 {\an8}Oh, here we go. 52 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,062 {\an8}Thank you. 53 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:29,149 {\an8}That is all the thanks I need. 54 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,694 {\an8}Wait. 55 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,697 {\an8}Jesus? 56 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:39,951 {\an8}All right. It's OK. 57 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,495 {\an8}Everything's going to be OK. 58 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,039 {\an8}Oh shit, he's here. Wrap it up. 59 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,040 {\an8}That's not how it works. 60 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,249 {\an8}Hey, look who's here. 61 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,667 {\an8}It's Bennett. 62 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,878 {\an8}And he's got his little boyfriend with him. 63 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,506 {\an8}All right, Clive, what if I am his boyfriend? 64 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,383 {\an8}What if we are having an affair? 65 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,970 {\an8}I can satisfy him in a way you never could. 66 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,931 Better be careful, Bennett. 67 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,850 You wouldn't want to slip! 68 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,934 Yeah. 69 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,144 Nice going, Bennett. 70 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,354 Pee much? 71 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,359 Why don't you go ask your mother's face? 72 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,361 Oh Jesus, I am so sorry. 73 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,529 That was so over the line. 74 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,531 What the fuck, dude? That's sick. 75 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,283 It was out of my mouth before I knew what it was. 76 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,910 Kind of like your mother. 77 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,286 Oh, my God, what is wrong with me? 78 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,621 I am so sorry. 79 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,956 I deserve what's about to happen to me. 80 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,249 Yeah, no shit. 81 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,128 Drink up, asshole. - Oh shit. 82 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,254 Wait, no, not the toilet. 83 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:34,464 I'm not supposed to get wet. 84 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,299 It said so on my tag! 85 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,766 Teddy. 86 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,309 Teddy? 87 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,144 Well, the joke's on us, Johnny. 88 00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:49,646 Pipes don't go anywhere. 89 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,899 The kids are just flushing them back and forth all day. 90 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,526 Yuck. 91 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,070 If you have a problem, if no one else can help, 92 00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,365 and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team. 93 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,456 I've seen this episode before. 94 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,708 It's a good one. 95 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,084 How can you watch that shit? 96 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,878 It's just car chases and blowing stuff up. 97 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,088 Why did you just say two good things 98 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,423 as if they're two bad things? 99 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,549 Give us a break, Blaire. Jesus. 100 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,259 We had a hard day. 101 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,927 And this show is very educational. 102 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,471 We're learning about the struggles of Vietnam veterans 103 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,515 and how to turn a wood chipper into a cannon 104 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,058 that shoots cabbages. 105 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:31,730 Matty, Dr. Frankel called when you were at work today. 106 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,441 He says you're overdue for a colonoscopy. 107 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,109 Yeah, I'm not getting one of those. 108 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,944 He says it's important. 109 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,155 - That guy's a quack. - No, he's not. 110 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,448 He's very smart. 111 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,450 Not all Jewish doctors are smart, Susan. 112 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,743 That's one of those stereotypes. 113 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,620 Even when you're technically on the right side, 114 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,748 you still find a way to ruin it. 115 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:50,832 What? 116 00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,625 I just said they're not all smart. 117 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,502 Some of them Hebrews are just in it for the money. 118 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,504 That is beyond fucking offensive. 119 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:59,132 Sorry. Hebrews and Shebrews. 120 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,717 Honey, it's a routine test. 121 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,219 You're sedated the whole time. 122 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,972 It wasn't so bad when I did it. 123 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,474 What? 124 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,059 When the hell did you have a colonoscopy? 125 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,895 Last year when I was having my tummy troubles. 126 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,272 - Where was I? - You drove me. 127 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,857 No, I didn't. 128 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,485 Well, I had you drop me off across the street at the mall. 129 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,820 I didn't want to worry you. 130 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:21,946 And plus you needed undershirts, 131 00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,115 and Jordan Marsh was having a sale. 132 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,992 This is hilarious. 133 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,328 You're afraid of a procedure Aunt Sue's got done 134 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,996 without even telling you. 135 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,623 I don't remember picking you up. 136 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:34,125 - I walked home. - She walked home. 137 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,835 It's just a couple of miles. 138 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,545 Couldn't feel my legs anyway, 139 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,714 so it didn't matter if my pumps got slushy. 140 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,717 Well, Matty, it's your move. 141 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,637 My move is I'm getting a beer. 142 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:48,348 My results were negative. 143 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,892 Oh gosh, he seems so worried. 144 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,021 Man, I wish the A-Team was real. 145 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,440 That way we could hire him to beat the shit out of Clive. 146 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,858 Who's Clive? 147 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,361 This fucking goon at school who picks on us. 148 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,238 Is that Muriel's son Clive? 149 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,573 I don't know, is Muriel's son a sadistic steroid bully 150 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,158 with a pee fetish? 151 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,827 Oh, that poor boy. 152 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:11,037 He doesn't have a father, you know. 153 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,498 Oh yeah, he walked out on Muriel 154 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,792 before Clive was even born. 155 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,545 It's probably why he's so unhappy. 156 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,380 It's a classic defense mechanism. 157 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,048 Hurt people hurt people. 158 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,591 Wait, wait, wait, are you saying 159 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,219 Clive is a bastard child? 160 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,096 His mother is so sweet. 161 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,473 Must be hard. 162 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:33,393 Johnny, we have been blessed with information 163 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,103 we can weaponize. 164 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,229 What do you mean? 165 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:40,066 What would the Jerky Boys do? 166 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,443 All right, found it. 167 00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:45,155 555-3816. 168 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:48,700 Oh, we are going to fuck this guy's head up so bad. 169 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,706 Hello? 170 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:57,459 Clive, this is your father. 171 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,753 - What? - I'm your father. 172 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,921 I abandoned you when you were a baby. 173 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,591 Sorry about that. I had a rough day. 174 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,718 Dad, is this really you? 175 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,094 Yes, Clive. 176 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,681 This is so totally fucking your dad. 177 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,934 Dad, I knew you'd call someday. 178 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,645 Mom said you wouldn't, but I just knew it. 179 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,314 Where are you? 180 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,316 I mean, can I meet you? 181 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,609 Holy shit, he wants to meet. 182 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,361 This is fucking classic. 183 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,988 - What do I say? - Say yes. 184 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,907 Tell him to meet you at Friendly's tomorrow. 185 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:32,369 Yeah, sure, be at Friendly's tomorrow after school. 186 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,038 And wear a sailor suit. 187 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:36,623 A sailor suit? 188 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,541 Yeah, I spent some time in the Navy, 189 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,794 so it's sentimental for me, you know. 190 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,588 I fought in the war. - Whoa. Which one? 191 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,048 You got that right, my friend. 192 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,591 I don't like talking about it though, 193 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,343 especially in specifics. 194 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,844 Man, that's so cool. 195 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,472 And I mean a real sailor suit, all right? 196 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,140 Like the kid on the Cracker Jack box. 197 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,476 But where do I get a sailor suit? 198 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,936 You back talking me? 199 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,438 See, this smart mouth attitude is exactly why I left. 200 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,274 Sorry. No, I'm sorry, Dad. No, I'll do it. I promise. 201 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,818 That's more like it. 202 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,403 Tell him to say ahoy. 203 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,988 Oh yeah, and say ahoy to people when you get there. 204 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,950 OK. Dad, I can't wait to meet you. 205 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,702 Yeah, get those hopes sky high, buddy. 206 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:14,869 I love you-- 207 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,496 Oh, my God, that was fucking amazing. 208 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,831 That was great. 209 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,165 Well, we got to be there when he shows up. 210 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,167 Totally. Wait, wait, no, no, we can't. 211 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,211 He'll see us and he'll kick our asses. 212 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,171 No, he won't. 213 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,007 This was good. This was a good plan. 214 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,175 OK, now as far as anyone knows, 215 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,178 we're two ad executives on a business trip from Hartford 216 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,597 looking for some local talent. - Right. 217 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,307 Hey, keep these milkshakes coming, huh? 218 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:39,019 - Sure thing. - You know, we're celebrating. 219 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,688 Just landed a big account. Bounty. 220 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,440 It's a very famous paper towel. 221 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,358 Yep. I use them every day. 222 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,568 Oh, terrific. 223 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:47,861 Well, you know, originally the slogan 224 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,946 was supposed to be the "quicker picker upper," 225 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:53,033 but we added the word "thicker quicker picker upper." 226 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,951 Bought a summer house with that one adjective. 227 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,870 - Congratulations. - Yeah. 228 00:08:56,870 --> 00:09:01,207 My wife's miles away, even when we're in the same room. 229 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,084 You know, 230 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:07,130 she hasn't let me touch her since the miscarriage. 231 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:10,467 I'll be back with your Fribbles. 232 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,135 The fuck was that? 233 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,054 What do you mean? I'm just rolling with the area. 234 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,847 That was fucking sad, dude. 235 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,432 Oh, forgive me for trying to add a little gravity 236 00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,017 into the backstory, all right? I mean, why are we traveling? 237 00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,769 Gravity? I want to slit my wrist. 238 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,062 So you get to be Mr. Thicker Picker Upper 239 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,480 and I got nothing to work with over here? 240 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,065 Sorry, did you want sprinkles? 241 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,317 We picked out a name. The room was painted. 242 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,360 Calm down. 243 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,694 No, no, that's what everyone says. 244 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,321 I get to grieve. 245 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,866 - Oh, my God, look. 246 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,577 Ahoy. 247 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,872 - Holy shit. - He fucking wore it. 248 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,166 Yeah. Fix your kerchief. 249 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,127 There you go. Now you're a proper seaman. 250 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,754 - All right. You ready? - Yep. 251 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,839 I'm going in. 252 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,801 Oh, maybe don't talk to the waitress while I'm gone. 253 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,344 Just fucking go. 254 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,229 - Good afternoon, Friendly's. - Yeah, hi. 255 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:05,438 I need you to deliver a message 256 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,815 to one of your customers. 257 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,983 Dumb looking guy dressed like an idiot. 258 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,569 Sir, this is Friendly's. Can you be more specific? 259 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,780 The kid in the sailor suit. 260 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,411 This is his dad. I got a message for him. 261 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,666 I have a message for you from your dad. 262 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:28,378 He says he's not coming because you're a disappointment to him 263 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,422 and he's glad he left, 264 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:35,301 and he likes his adopted Korean kids better. 265 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,179 Sorry. 266 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:13,048 Man, this is way sadder than the miscarriage. 267 00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:15,925 His name was going to be Lawrence. 268 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,524 You know, I still feel really shitty about yesterday. 269 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,068 Yeah, me too. 270 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:35,362 It's almost like Clive's an actual human being, 271 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,946 with a heart. 272 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,531 Well, you know, I'm sure it's going to be fine. 273 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,701 Hey, did you guys hear? Clive tried to kill himself. 274 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,036 Holy shit. 275 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,580 He ate an entire bottle of Flintstones vitamins. 276 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,040 Even the Bettys. 277 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,793 Did he--did he say why he did it? 278 00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:52,045 Who cares? I never felt more free. 279 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,880 Now I can wear my Ace Of Base shirt 280 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,716 without getting my ass kicked. 281 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,551 Shit, Teddy. What are we going to do? 282 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,136 It's out of our hands. 283 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,721 If he wants to wear the shirt, he's going to wear the shirt. 284 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,390 No, no, I mean, this is our fault. 285 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,684 If Clive wasn't an idiot, he'd be dead right now. 286 00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:07,394 All right. OK. You know what? 287 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,561 We can fix this. 288 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,022 Nice shirt, queer. 289 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:14,609 Hm, nature abhors a vacuum. 290 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,653 - OK, you ready? - Yeah. 291 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,238 Hang on. Hang on one sec. 292 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,365 We got a boy's heart in our hands here. 293 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:24,202 I want to make sure I got my wits about me. 294 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,916 All right, I'm good. Call him. 295 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,051 - Hello? - Hey Clive. 296 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,845 It's your dad. 297 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,972 You done barfing up Bamm-Bamms? 298 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,557 Leave me alone. 299 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:46,933 Wait, wait, just hang on. Hang on. 300 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,601 I want to apologize. 301 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,812 I'm sorry about not showing up yesterday. 302 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,272 Then why did you do it? 303 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,607 And why did you leave that message? 304 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,692 It was a test. 305 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,111 It was a test of your manhood. 306 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,613 And you passed with flying colors. 307 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,992 You said you liked your adopted Korean kids better. 308 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,326 Oh, yeah. 309 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,871 Well, you know, I don't have them anymore. 310 00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,122 You don't? 311 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,498 No, it seemed like a cool idea at the time, 312 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,125 but it was costing me a shitload, 313 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:16,338 so I had to release them back into the wild. 314 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:19,174 But that's why you are so important to me, Clive. 315 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:21,426 That's why our relationship is so important. 316 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,636 Well then, can I meet you for real? 317 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,472 Yes. 318 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,681 Eventually. Eventually. 319 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,309 But right now, I'm kind of busy with work. 320 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,144 - What do you do? - What do I do? 321 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,104 Ad exec trying to have kids? 322 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,647 Jesus, what the fuck is it with you with that-- 323 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,276 I'm a soldier of fortune in the Los Angeles underground. 324 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,071 Yeah, me and these other crack commandos 325 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,990 fight injustice from our van. 326 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,992 That's so cool. 327 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,535 Yeah, if people have a problem 328 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:50,080 and if no one else can help and if you can find us, 329 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,249 maybe you can hire me and my friends. 330 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,293 That's kind of like our slogan. 331 00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:58,129 My dad has a van. 332 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:02,008 Yeah, anyway, I'll keep in touch and do good in school. 333 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,260 I suck at school. 334 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,471 I have a math test tomorrow I'm probably going to fail. 335 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,722 Oh, come on. 336 00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:09,849 I bet you're smarter at math than you think. 337 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:14,312 Like OK, like, if a bully beats up 10 kids for their sexuality 338 00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,398 and 20% of them are in the choir 339 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,526 so they get extra beatings, how many go to the hospital? 340 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,612 Um, two. 341 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:27,033 Guess what, Mr. I Can't? You just did math. 342 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,868 I'll talk to you later. 343 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,578 I think we fixed it. 344 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:31,746 Yeah, I think so too. 345 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:32,872 I feel really good right now. 346 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,582 - I feel so good. - We're good people. 347 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,876 Yeah, if he kills himself now, it's from other stuff. 348 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,928 Why were these burgers just, like, 349 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,555 sitting in a tray of water? 350 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,973 Yeah, I don't know why they do that. 351 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,224 Yeah, every time it's burger day, 352 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,435 there they are, just sitting in water. 353 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:54,978 I don't know. It seems normal. 354 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,647 Have the guys over, water up some burgers, watch the game. 355 00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,940 Hey, you know what's weird? 356 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,275 What? 357 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,485 I've been, like, thinking about Clive. 358 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,404 - Yeah, me too. - You have? 359 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,531 Yeah, like I've actually been wondering 360 00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:08,241 how he did on that test. 361 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,452 Me too. It's fucked up, right? 362 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,120 It's like I actually give a shit about him. 363 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,581 Johnny, look. 364 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,002 I don't know why he hangs out with those boys. 365 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,212 They're a bad influence. 366 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,422 I think Coach Johnson... 367 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,591 Holy shit. I think that's his test. 368 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,052 Wait, don't look, don't look, don't look now. 369 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,595 - What does it say? - I don't know. 370 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,722 There's a grade on the front, but I can't see it. 371 00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,724 We got to get a closer look. 372 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:36,978 That sounds really tough. 373 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,901 They know how to make corn and they don't touch it. 374 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,444 What the fuck do you want, Bennett? 375 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,613 Nothing. Nothing. You know, I'm just-- 376 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,114 I'm just--I'm just walking around. 377 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,783 You know how I be. - Yeah? 378 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,702 Eat a dick, asshole. 379 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,247 C . 380 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,665 He passed. 381 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:58,750 He passed. 382 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,627 Oh, my God, I knew he could do it. 383 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,171 Great job, buddy. 384 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,507 Our little genius. 385 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,179 Matty, you can't keep putting it off. 386 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,806 Yes, I can. It's my body. 387 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,099 But the doctor said-- 388 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,102 I don't care what the doctor says. 389 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,645 I'm not doing it. 390 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:22,941 If you ask me one more time, I'm going to stay at a motel. 391 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:25,694 Matty, why are you so resistant to a colonoscopy? 392 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,320 Oh Christ, not you too. 393 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,531 Look, I know it's scary to think about 394 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,533 what they might find, but early detection is-- 395 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,743 You think I'm worried about cancer? 396 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,413 You get cancer, you don't have to pay taxes. 397 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,164 I don't think that's true. 398 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,666 Not if liberals have their way. 399 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,793 All I'm saying is, get your cancer now. 400 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:45,171 Look, cut the shit and just tell me the truth. 401 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,799 Why won't you get the colonoscopy? 402 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,888 When they put you under, you're not in control. 403 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,223 All right? 404 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:58,435 You can say some shit and not even remember it. 405 00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,103 I don't want to say stuff. 406 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,312 Jesus. 407 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,772 There's things you're not saying? 408 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:05,734 I just--I don't want anybody to find out my secrets. 409 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:06,735 What secrets? 410 00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:07,986 I got secrets. 411 00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,320 OK, well, what the fuck do you care 412 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,488 what some doctor thinks of them? 413 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,157 Doctors talk. This is a small town. 414 00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:13,658 I don't want to ruin my reputation. 415 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,785 You're banned from Dunkin' Donuts. 416 00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,705 Listen to me. You got to do this. OK? 417 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,582 You catch colon cancer too late, you're dead. 418 00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,292 You'd be leaving John and Suze on their own. 419 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,544 You really want to do that? 420 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,840 All right. I'll go in there. 421 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,050 Great. 422 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,010 But you got to go with me. 423 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,845 - To your colonoscopy? - Yeah. 424 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:34,929 Why? 425 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,389 Because when they drug me up, 426 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,224 if I start saying anything about Vietnam, 427 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,559 you got to make a lot of noise. 428 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,227 Why? What happened in Viet-- 429 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,230 La, la, la, la, la, la, la! Like that. 430 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,231 You got it? 431 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,067 No, you don't. Let's practice. 432 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,194 It's me. Here's the doctor. 433 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:52,947 Hey Doc, this one time in Vietnam-- 434 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,157 right, that's you. 435 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,742 La, la, la, la. 436 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,202 No, you got to be louder and faster. 437 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:59,829 Come on. Again. One time in Vietnam, Doc-- 438 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,414 - La, la, la, la, la. - Keep going. 439 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,665 One time in Vietnam. 440 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:03,708 Louder. 441 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,543 One time in Vietnam. Keep going. 442 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,087 Keep going. - I'm fucking trying. 443 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,213 There was this one time in Vietnam. 444 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,339 Keep going. 445 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,924 I'm about to spill my secrets! 446 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:14,260 What is going on in here? 447 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,262 I'll get the colonoscopy. 448 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,056 You will? 449 00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:20,016 Oh, thank God. 450 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,604 Oh, I feel like it's Christmas. 451 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,273 I just want this family to know that from here on out, 452 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:30,151 I'm going for full-on alcoholism. 453 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,034 Hey, am I crazy? 454 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,328 I kind of want to call Clive and tell him he did good. 455 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,955 I know. Me too. 456 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,749 I mean, he obviously studied so hard for that test. 457 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:46,126 Yeah, he should know his dad's proud of him. 458 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,460 Yeah. 459 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,712 But, but, but, do we want to send the message 460 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:50,088 that all we care about is grades? 461 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,798 Well, I mean, he can't live up to our expectations 462 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,216 if we don't set any. 463 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,552 Yeah, but I want him to do well for him, not for us. 464 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,303 - Let's just call him. - OK. 465 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,186 Hello? 466 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,313 Hey Clive. It's your dad. 467 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,149 Dad. Hey, guess what? 468 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,859 I totally aced that test. 469 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,402 I got a C . 470 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,154 Well, how about that? 471 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,363 Good for you, champ. 472 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:16,823 That's great. 473 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,159 That's not really ace, but wow, good job. 474 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,618 Hey, I know you're busy and all, 475 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:23,288 but my birthday's coming up on Saturday 476 00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,833 and I was wondering if maybe I could see you. 477 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:31,338 Ah, yeah, sorry pal, I got a work thing. 478 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,007 I just wish I could meet you just once. 479 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,342 I know. Me too. 480 00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:36,843 But it's an important mission. 481 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,887 We found a terrorist base under the roller rink, 482 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,930 so we're going undercover as coke dealers. 483 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,767 And if we find love along the way, we'll take it. 484 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,145 But hey, maybe next year, huh? 485 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,356 Yeah, sure. 486 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,899 And great job on that test. 487 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,525 All right, I'll talk to you later. 488 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:56,363 Bye, Dad. 489 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,698 Man, I feel really bad letting him down again. 490 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,283 Yeah, we got to make it up to him. 491 00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:01,785 You know what? 492 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:05,288 His dad needs to send him a really great birthday gift. 493 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:14,923 Oh, what about this? 494 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,383 Sega Genesis. 495 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,051 - Yeah, I don't know. - Why not? 496 00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,552 I'm just worried he's going to spend all day in his room 497 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,221 instead of playing outside. 498 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,389 What about a baseball glove? 499 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,765 He doesn't like playing sports. 500 00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,225 Well, that doesn't mean we shouldn't encourage it. 501 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,935 Baseball's your dream, not his. 502 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,479 - Oh, my fucking God. - Look, it's his 17th birthday. 503 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,605 He'll be an adult soon. 504 00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,023 We don't have many of these left. 505 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,733 I just feel like you're always trying to spoil him. 506 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,068 You know, you can't buy his affections. 507 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,528 - I am not trying to buy his-- - Yes, you are. 508 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,113 You're trying to buy his affections 509 00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:39,489 because you're never at home. - You're too strict with him. 510 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:40,740 You always have been. 511 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:41,950 Well, somebody has to be the bad cop. 512 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,743 And frankly, I feel like it's shitty of you 513 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,328 to always dump that on me. - You know what? 514 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:46,746 None of this shit matters anyway, 515 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,040 because we only got 20 bucks. - Oh yeah, you're right. 516 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,542 What are we going to do? 517 00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:52,585 Where's the menswear? 518 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,879 OK, that's good. Get ready. 519 00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,340 OK, now turn right. - This is so fucking stupid. 520 00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,175 Why don't I just wear the coat myself? 521 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,593 Extra height, Johnny. 522 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:03,096 When you're tall, people assume you're in charge. 523 00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:05,432 Hey, why don't you go ahead and take the rest of the day off? 524 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:08,435 Wow, thank you, tall supervisor. 525 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,186 - See? - OK, which way am I going? 526 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,022 All right, straight for a bit then you're going to turn. 527 00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:13,940 Talk louder. Your feet are blocking my ears. 528 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,608 Hard left, hard left, hard left! 529 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,901 Jesus. What the fuck was that? 530 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,445 Go straight. Just go straight. 531 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:19,571 Well, fucking tell me when I'm going to bump 532 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:21,072 into something--fucking A! - Watch out! 533 00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:23,241 - C'mon, you got to warn me. - OK, it's good. It's good. 534 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,534 We're good for a minute. - My head hurts. 535 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,618 Oh, this is going to be a problem. 536 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,454 Fuck, shit. - The fuck is that? 537 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:28,955 - Don't go that way. - Can I turn around? 538 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,707 Oh shit. 539 00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,125 Sideways. - Which sideways? 540 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:34,085 Go sideways. 541 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:40,342 Excellent work. You can take your lunch now. 542 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,725 Look, we weren't even stealing it for us. OK? 543 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,185 We were stealing it for a kid who doesn't have a dad. 544 00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:52,145 And that's not even really shoplifting, right? 545 00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:53,646 Nice try. 546 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,106 You boys are in big time trouble. 547 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:56,608 I'm going to need your parents' phone numbers. 548 00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:58,318 My parents are out of town. 549 00:21:58,318 --> 00:21:59,486 I don't have parents on account of 550 00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,071 I'm a Teddy bear that came alive. 551 00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,365 All right, look, it's really important to us 552 00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:05,742 that we help this kid, OK? 553 00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:07,786 Haven't you ever had something that was just really, 554 00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:09,079 really important to you, something that you'd 555 00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:10,705 do anything to make happen? 556 00:22:10,705 --> 00:22:13,375 Like maybe you wanted to be the best security guard in Boston. 557 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:14,709 No. 558 00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:17,337 No, I never wanted to be a security guard. 559 00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,172 I really wanted to be an actor. 560 00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:22,801 Oh, this just got so much worse. 561 00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:25,345 Acting is my real passion. 562 00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:27,222 When I was in my 20s, 563 00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:30,016 I did this community theater production on "Pippin." 564 00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:32,686 And when the show ended, I found out 565 00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:36,147 that John Rubinstein was in the audience. 566 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:37,607 - Oh, my God. - Oh wow. 567 00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,609 Who was, of course, the original Pippin. 568 00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:40,610 - I was about to say. - That's the guy. 569 00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:41,695 That's the guy. 570 00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:42,946 Fucking God damn right he was. 571 00:22:42,946 --> 00:22:45,198 And he actually came backstage after the show 572 00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:48,034 and he walked up to me and I can still see his face 573 00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,537 and he said, I really enjoyed the show. 574 00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:52,747 You were all wonderful. 575 00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:54,916 I was like, oh, my God, what a moment. 576 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,126 Amazing. 577 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,460 I mean, it's amazing just even hearing it. 578 00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:58,712 I wasn't there, but just hearing you talk about it. 579 00:22:58,712 --> 00:22:59,879 Yeah, it was him in the flesh. 580 00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,673 And to have the kindness to say, 581 00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:03,675 because obviously I was Pippin. 582 00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:05,051 Of course. Yeah. 583 00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:06,803 Yeah, I mean you, Burt, 584 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:09,014 are not going to do "Pippin" if you're not Pippin. 585 00:23:09,014 --> 00:23:11,725 To have the kindness to say, you are all wonderful. 586 00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:13,143 Because you see, the rest of the cast 587 00:23:13,143 --> 00:23:14,227 was right there with me. 588 00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:15,645 So he couldn't really single me out 589 00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:17,355 because that would have been dismissive to them. 590 00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:19,524 - Oh yeah. You can't do that. - Sure, sure, sure. 591 00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:20,942 But he gave me a look. 592 00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:23,570 John Rubinstein gave me a look and that look said, 593 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:26,364 you are on the stairway to stardom. 594 00:23:26,364 --> 00:23:27,741 Oh, good Christ. 595 00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:30,035 That's what I said too. 596 00:23:30,035 --> 00:23:33,079 Well, I guess life had other plans for me. 597 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,998 But that's OK. 598 00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:00,273 Oh, sorry. 599 00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:03,651 Wow, that felt fucking great. 600 00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:05,111 Right? - Yeah. 601 00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:07,655 Was that a moment just then we had? 602 00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:09,032 Wait, that was a moment? That was a real-- 603 00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,700 - I think it was. - I couldn't even hear you. 604 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:12,786 Someone was playing the original 605 00:24:12,786 --> 00:24:14,412 cast recording of "Pippin." 606 00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:16,915 It's like a rope connected us that only we saw the rope. 607 00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:18,458 All three of us. All three of us. 608 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,834 We are one. - Tighter and tighter... 609 00:24:19,834 --> 00:24:21,503 We were one organism in that moment. 610 00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:22,837 - My feet are tingling. - Wow. 611 00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,882 1,000 wows and more wows on top of that. 612 00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,551 I feel like this was time well spent. 613 00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:29,761 Yeah, we got a lot accomplished. 614 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:31,012 - Was it not? - Yeah. 615 00:24:31,012 --> 00:24:32,514 You guys-- you guys can go ahead. 616 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:33,807 - We're good to go, right? - Absolutely. 617 00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:35,058 Thank you. Thank you, man. 618 00:24:35,058 --> 00:24:36,184 Really appreciate it. This was wonderful. 619 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:37,394 Yeah. 620 00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:38,645 We're all going to go our separate ways, 621 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:39,646 but we'll take a piece of today with us. 622 00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:41,189 Thanks for letting me sing. 623 00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:42,857 Jesus, that was a fucking nightmare. 624 00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:44,150 You are telling me, Johnny. 625 00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,652 This has got to stop. 626 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:47,320 I know. It's gotten out of control. 627 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,114 I mean, I care about what happens to Clive, 628 00:24:49,114 --> 00:24:50,740 but we're acting like fucking lunatics. 629 00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:53,410 Raising Clive is not our responsibility. 630 00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:54,869 We got to tell him the truth. 631 00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:07,382 It might be time to go. 632 00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,854 I don't like this. This was a bad idea. 633 00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,981 Will you fucking relax? It's going to be fine. 634 00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:25,525 You hear the word Vietnam, you yell like the place 635 00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:27,110 is burning down. Do you understand me? 636 00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:28,987 Yes. Jesus Christ. Calm down. 637 00:25:28,987 --> 00:25:30,822 Good morning, Mr. Bennett. 638 00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:32,157 We are all set to begin your procedure. 639 00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:33,867 Yeah, listen, this is my niece. 640 00:25:33,867 --> 00:25:36,619 She's going to be with me in the room there. 641 00:25:36,619 --> 00:25:39,456 Oh, I'm afraid that's not allowed. 642 00:25:39,456 --> 00:25:40,874 What do you fucking mean? 643 00:25:40,874 --> 00:25:42,667 It's against hospital policy. 644 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,127 No, no, no, no. No, wait a minute. 645 00:25:44,127 --> 00:25:45,879 Wait a minute. You don't understand. 646 00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:50,133 She's always with me for every colonoscopy, right? 647 00:25:50,133 --> 00:25:51,468 Yes. 648 00:25:51,468 --> 00:25:56,723 I love watching and it's my half birthday today, 649 00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:59,517 so treating myself. 650 00:25:59,517 --> 00:26:03,146 Well, that's interesting, but it's medical staff only. 651 00:26:03,146 --> 00:26:04,272 I really am sorry. 652 00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:05,774 Give us a minute, OK? 653 00:26:07,776 --> 00:26:09,736 - Get under the gurney. - What? 654 00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:11,988 - Hide under the gurney. - I am not doing that. 655 00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,074 Blaire, you got to be in the room in case I talk. 656 00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:15,492 Matty, these people don't care about 657 00:26:15,492 --> 00:26:16,993 your stupid goddamn secret, OK? 658 00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,828 They're professionals. They've heard everything. 659 00:26:18,828 --> 00:26:20,330 I don't trust them. 660 00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:21,831 You don't become a butt doctor unless you're into 661 00:26:21,831 --> 00:26:23,083 some really weird shit. 662 00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:25,752 Some of these guys, it's sexual for them. 663 00:26:25,752 --> 00:26:27,462 This is not sexual for them. 664 00:26:27,462 --> 00:26:30,048 I'll give you $300. 665 00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:31,716 - Seriously? - You're always whining about 666 00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:33,051 how expensive your textbooks are. 667 00:26:33,051 --> 00:26:35,095 300 bucks. 668 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,184 You have lost your fucking mind. 669 00:26:43,019 --> 00:26:45,271 Dr. Fisher to OR prep room three. 670 00:26:45,271 --> 00:26:48,316 Dr. Fisher, OR prep room three. 671 00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:02,789 All right, Mr. Bennett, 672 00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,125 I need you to count backward from 100. 673 00:27:05,125 --> 00:27:09,546 100, 99, 98... 674 00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:11,006 All right, he's out. 675 00:27:11,006 --> 00:27:13,341 OK. Wow. What a weirdo. 676 00:27:13,341 --> 00:27:15,677 Guy wanted his niece to come in here with him. 677 00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:17,637 Oh, I heard that. That's bizarre. 678 00:27:17,637 --> 00:27:19,014 Absolutely. 679 00:27:19,014 --> 00:27:20,640 Let's see what he's working with here. 680 00:27:22,976 --> 00:27:24,978 - Oh, my God. - Damn, look at that! 681 00:27:24,978 --> 00:27:26,813 Hair on the tip. That's a new one. 682 00:27:26,813 --> 00:27:28,982 Yuck. His poor wife, huh? 683 00:27:28,982 --> 00:27:31,151 I was just thinking that. 684 00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:34,738 Guys, I got to be honest. This is sexual for me. 685 00:27:39,409 --> 00:27:41,161 Look, we just got to tell him the truth. 686 00:27:41,161 --> 00:27:42,912 You know he's going to kick our asses. 687 00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:44,622 Look, the key to not getting hurt in a fight 688 00:27:44,622 --> 00:27:47,917 is staying loose, like a drunk guy in an accident. 689 00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:49,627 That's why the Kennedys are always fine 690 00:27:49,627 --> 00:27:52,964 after they fuck up their cars. 691 00:27:52,964 --> 00:27:56,259 Oh, hey Clive, can we--can we talk to you for a second? 692 00:27:56,259 --> 00:27:58,136 What do you two fucknuts want? 693 00:27:58,136 --> 00:28:01,514 Look, there's no easy way to say this, 694 00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:04,392 but, um, it's about your dad. 695 00:28:04,392 --> 00:28:05,852 What about my dad? 696 00:28:05,852 --> 00:28:09,314 Um, your dad, uh, 697 00:28:09,314 --> 00:28:13,401 invited us to your birthday party. 698 00:28:13,401 --> 00:28:15,362 And he said he's going to be there too 699 00:28:15,362 --> 00:28:16,488 and we just wanted to say 700 00:28:16,488 --> 00:28:18,531 we are so excited just to be part of it. 701 00:28:18,531 --> 00:28:19,949 What are you talking about? 702 00:28:19,949 --> 00:28:21,284 I'm not having a party. 703 00:28:21,284 --> 00:28:22,744 He said he wasn't going to be around. 704 00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:25,747 That's because it's a surprise. 705 00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:27,374 - Yeah. - Oh no, I spoiled it! 706 00:28:27,374 --> 00:28:28,458 Oh, Teddy, oh! 707 00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:29,709 We weren't supposed to say anything. 708 00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:31,378 - Fuck. - I knew it. 709 00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:32,879 I knew he'd show up. 710 00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,381 Oh, it's probably going to be huge 711 00:28:34,381 --> 00:28:36,591 if even you two losers are invited. 712 00:28:36,591 --> 00:28:37,759 Hell yeah. 713 00:28:40,011 --> 00:28:41,429 What the fuck is wrong with you? 714 00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:43,056 I know, but did you see the look in his eye? 715 00:28:43,056 --> 00:28:44,557 He's like fucking Charles Manson. 716 00:28:44,557 --> 00:28:46,226 What the fuck are we supposed to do now? 717 00:28:46,226 --> 00:28:48,228 He thinks his dad's showing up. - I don't know. 718 00:28:48,228 --> 00:28:50,355 We find somebody to be his dad. - Well, fucking who? 719 00:28:50,355 --> 00:28:52,816 I don't know. We find an actor or something. 720 00:28:52,816 --> 00:28:55,318 Ah, shit. 721 00:28:58,655 --> 00:29:01,950 All right, we got balloons, a cake. 722 00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:03,410 Do you think he's too old for a piñata? 723 00:29:03,410 --> 00:29:04,661 Yeah, I don't think we want to put 724 00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:05,912 a bat in his hands, Johnny. 725 00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:08,581 Oh yeah, good call. 726 00:29:08,581 --> 00:29:10,750 How did it go? 727 00:29:10,750 --> 00:29:12,669 It was a living nightmare. 728 00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:14,087 Matty, how you feeling? 729 00:29:14,087 --> 00:29:15,672 Doc says I'm clean as a whistle. 730 00:29:15,672 --> 00:29:16,715 Nothing to worry about. 731 00:29:16,715 --> 00:29:18,091 That's not all the doctor said. 732 00:29:18,091 --> 00:29:19,509 What do you mean? 733 00:29:19,509 --> 00:29:22,470 It was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. 734 00:29:22,470 --> 00:29:25,306 Blaire, what happened? 735 00:29:27,642 --> 00:29:29,561 Matty made me go into the operating room with him, so-- 736 00:29:29,561 --> 00:29:30,770 Blaire, what the hell? 737 00:29:30,770 --> 00:29:31,771 To shut him up if the drugs made him 738 00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:33,023 say some shit about Vietnam. 739 00:29:33,023 --> 00:29:34,315 You're not getting those 300 bucks! 740 00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:36,109 I don't care. This has to end. 741 00:29:36,109 --> 00:29:38,111 Nothing is worth what I went through today. 742 00:29:38,111 --> 00:29:39,237 Do you know where they put the wand 743 00:29:39,237 --> 00:29:41,031 when they're done with it? I do. 744 00:29:41,031 --> 00:29:43,033 What secret? What is she talking about? 745 00:29:43,033 --> 00:29:44,993 - Forget it, Susan. - No, Matty, this is insane. 746 00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:46,453 You have to talk about it and move on, 747 00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:48,288 because I am not fucking doing that again 748 00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:49,456 in five years. - Just drop it! 749 00:29:49,456 --> 00:29:50,790 What'd you do? Desert your platoon? 750 00:29:50,790 --> 00:29:52,000 Go AWOL? 751 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,043 Did you accidentally shoot Bob Hope? 752 00:29:53,043 --> 00:29:54,044 What? - I wish. 753 00:29:54,044 --> 00:29:55,295 I could live with that. 754 00:29:55,295 --> 00:29:57,130 Whatever it is, I'm sure we'll understand. 755 00:29:57,130 --> 00:29:58,631 No, you won't. This was war. 756 00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:00,133 For Christ's sake, Matty, we're your family. 757 00:30:00,133 --> 00:30:01,468 Just fucking tell us. 758 00:30:01,468 --> 00:30:03,511 I jacked off a dog! 759 00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:09,351 What the fuck? 760 00:30:09,351 --> 00:30:10,894 Oh, my God. 761 00:30:10,894 --> 00:30:12,604 You guys said you'd understand. 762 00:30:12,604 --> 00:30:15,106 That was before we knew how fucked up it was. 763 00:30:15,106 --> 00:30:16,900 You've never been to war. Things happen. 764 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:18,151 Not that. No. 765 00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:20,070 Why the fuck would you jack off a dog? 766 00:30:20,070 --> 00:30:22,364 Whose dog was it? 767 00:30:38,213 --> 00:30:41,174 My platoon was camped in the jungle 768 00:30:41,174 --> 00:30:45,011 about two clicks south of the Do Lung Bridge. 769 00:30:45,011 --> 00:30:47,222 Our dog Scout was with us... 770 00:30:47,222 --> 00:30:51,851 Chewing on some dinner scraps. 771 00:30:51,851 --> 00:30:54,354 My buddy Donny and I were about to start the night watch 772 00:30:54,354 --> 00:30:59,609 when we noticed... Scout had an erection. 773 00:30:59,609 --> 00:31:02,195 Well, you were very handsome back then. 774 00:31:02,195 --> 00:31:04,989 Just let me do this, Susan. 775 00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:10,870 We waited for it to go away on its own, but it didn't. 776 00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:12,664 It was obviously stuck. 777 00:31:12,664 --> 00:31:15,208 Now, that could be dangerous for a dog, 778 00:31:15,208 --> 00:31:17,752 especially in the jungle-- it gets infected. 779 00:31:17,752 --> 00:31:19,754 He could have died. 780 00:31:19,754 --> 00:31:24,718 We didn't have a medic with us. I had to do something. 781 00:31:24,718 --> 00:31:29,014 I tried to ease it back in, 782 00:31:29,014 --> 00:31:31,057 but it popped out. 783 00:31:31,057 --> 00:31:32,934 So I tried again. 784 00:31:32,934 --> 00:31:34,894 No good. 785 00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:36,354 Time was running out. 786 00:31:36,354 --> 00:31:38,606 Let me tell you, that dog had sniffed out 787 00:31:38,606 --> 00:31:40,734 more landmines than I could count. 788 00:31:40,734 --> 00:31:44,946 He had saved all of our lives, so I had to keep trying. 789 00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:51,494 And that's when it happened. 790 00:31:51,494 --> 00:31:56,541 He made a noise like a bark, but happier. 791 00:31:59,377 --> 00:32:04,007 Then he went back to his food. 792 00:32:04,007 --> 00:32:05,759 Donny and I didn't make eye contact 793 00:32:05,759 --> 00:32:08,636 for the rest of the war. 794 00:32:17,145 --> 00:32:21,107 For God's sake, somebody say something. 795 00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:24,694 You soldiers gave so much. 796 00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:35,080 I-I think you did the right thing. 797 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,416 Very heroic. 798 00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:40,543 Yeah. 799 00:32:40,543 --> 00:32:44,631 Great job, Dad. 800 00:32:44,631 --> 00:32:50,095 You did it there so we didn't have to do it here. 801 00:32:50,095 --> 00:32:52,180 Stand down, soldier. 802 00:33:06,569 --> 00:33:10,031 All right, testing, testing, one, two, three. 803 00:33:10,031 --> 00:33:11,658 Yeah, I can hear you. Oh, that's neat. 804 00:33:11,658 --> 00:33:13,535 Yeah, I paid off a techie at school. 805 00:33:13,535 --> 00:33:14,828 Just remember to keep the other one on 806 00:33:14,828 --> 00:33:15,995 so we can hear you and Clive. 807 00:33:15,995 --> 00:33:17,330 OK, so we're going to be feeding you 808 00:33:17,330 --> 00:33:19,082 what to say as we go along, and if there's-- 809 00:33:19,082 --> 00:33:20,417 Right, right. 810 00:33:20,417 --> 00:33:21,584 If you could not give me specific line readings, 811 00:33:21,584 --> 00:33:23,545 that would be great. - What? 812 00:33:23,545 --> 00:33:26,214 Yeah, just, you know, tell me what you want to communicate 813 00:33:26,214 --> 00:33:28,508 and then I will interpret it as an actor. 814 00:33:28,508 --> 00:33:31,136 You know, I was going to get a coffee cart for the set, 815 00:33:31,136 --> 00:33:32,303 but now forget it. 816 00:33:32,303 --> 00:33:33,638 Oh, tell me something. 817 00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:35,890 Where am I coming from? 818 00:33:35,890 --> 00:33:38,518 Like just before I meet Clive, where was I? 819 00:33:38,518 --> 00:33:40,520 You were right fucking here talking to us. 820 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,730 No, no, no. No, not me. 821 00:33:41,730 --> 00:33:43,523 The character. Where was the character? 822 00:33:43,523 --> 00:33:45,358 It'll affect how I play the scene. 823 00:33:45,358 --> 00:33:47,736 He was playing Pippin on Broadway. 824 00:33:47,736 --> 00:33:49,362 No, no. 825 00:33:49,362 --> 00:33:52,365 He was at home, grieving over his wife's miscarriage. 826 00:33:52,365 --> 00:33:54,200 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Oh, yeah. 827 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,577 Oh, I like that. You're good. 828 00:33:55,577 --> 00:33:58,371 You should get into the business. 829 00:33:58,371 --> 00:33:59,956 - The fuck is wrong with you? - What? 830 00:33:59,956 --> 00:34:02,083 We'll get one like this and then we'll try it your way. 831 00:34:02,083 --> 00:34:03,752 All right? Jesus fucking Christ. 832 00:34:06,504 --> 00:34:09,299 Yeah, in case anyone else needs a drink too. 833 00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:11,551 What the hell are you talking about, Derek? 834 00:34:11,551 --> 00:34:13,887 Clive? 835 00:34:13,887 --> 00:34:16,056 Dad? 836 00:34:16,056 --> 00:34:17,307 Is that you? 837 00:34:17,307 --> 00:34:19,017 It's me, son. 838 00:34:19,017 --> 00:34:21,061 I've returned. 839 00:34:22,687 --> 00:34:25,940 Oh, Dad, I can't believe it's really you. 840 00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:28,193 OK, that's good. Now tell him you can't stay. 841 00:34:28,193 --> 00:34:30,153 You've got an important mission back in LA. 842 00:34:30,153 --> 00:34:31,571 There's a sniper trying to take out 843 00:34:31,571 --> 00:34:33,406 the world's top surfers in Malibu. 844 00:34:33,406 --> 00:34:34,991 I can't stay long. 845 00:34:34,991 --> 00:34:37,285 My wife and I have suffered a personal tragedy 846 00:34:37,285 --> 00:34:39,037 and she needs me at home. 847 00:34:39,037 --> 00:34:40,914 - See? It plays great. - Shut up. 848 00:34:40,914 --> 00:34:43,166 I have a stepmom? 849 00:34:43,166 --> 00:34:45,251 What's her name? - Catherine. 850 00:34:45,251 --> 00:34:46,920 She's a widowed farm owner and she's hired me 851 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,963 as a farmhand at her estate. 852 00:34:48,963 --> 00:34:50,256 - Is that-- - Is he-- 853 00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:51,841 - Is that "Pippin?" - He's doing "Pippin." 854 00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:53,218 Is he fucking doing "Pippin?" - He's fucking doing "Pippin." 855 00:34:53,218 --> 00:34:54,594 God damn it, no "Pippin!" 856 00:34:54,594 --> 00:34:57,847 But I thought you were a soldier of fortune. 857 00:34:57,847 --> 00:35:00,600 You're blowing this, you motherfucker. 858 00:35:07,315 --> 00:35:08,858 Clive's going to beat the shit out of him. 859 00:35:14,114 --> 00:35:16,199 - Clive. - Mom. 860 00:35:16,199 --> 00:35:17,784 - Oh, shit. - Oh, my God. 861 00:35:17,784 --> 00:35:19,452 What's going on? What is all this? 862 00:35:19,452 --> 00:35:21,454 Mom, what are you doing here? 863 00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,622 Jeff Driscoll's mother told me you're having 864 00:35:22,622 --> 00:35:24,124 a party out here in the park. 865 00:35:24,124 --> 00:35:25,417 Why didn't you tell me? 866 00:35:25,417 --> 00:35:26,626 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 867 00:35:26,626 --> 00:35:28,712 Mom, look. 868 00:35:28,712 --> 00:35:29,921 Dad's here. 869 00:35:29,921 --> 00:35:31,381 Abort, abort, get the fuck out of there. 870 00:35:31,381 --> 00:35:32,966 What are you talking about? 871 00:35:32,966 --> 00:35:35,093 That's not your dad. 872 00:35:35,093 --> 00:35:36,302 Say that's not your mother. 873 00:35:36,302 --> 00:35:38,638 I hate giving other actors notes, 874 00:35:38,638 --> 00:35:40,557 but I feel like you've come in so hot, 875 00:35:40,557 --> 00:35:42,392 you're not giving yourself anywhere to go. 876 00:35:42,392 --> 00:35:43,560 Who the hell are you? 877 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,687 OK. I can't work like this. 878 00:35:45,687 --> 00:35:48,273 Let me guess, she's the producer's girlfriend. 879 00:35:48,273 --> 00:35:49,482 Bullshit. - Hang on, Mom, I'll be back. 880 00:35:49,482 --> 00:35:51,067 That was a good note I gave her too. 881 00:35:51,067 --> 00:35:52,610 - Hey. - I'm in way over the top. 882 00:35:52,610 --> 00:35:53,653 Hey. 883 00:35:53,653 --> 00:35:55,488 What the fuck is going on here? 884 00:35:55,488 --> 00:35:57,949 Are you not really my dad? - No. 885 00:35:57,949 --> 00:36:00,326 These two guys paid me to come here and play your father. 886 00:36:00,326 --> 00:36:01,619 But let me tell you something. 887 00:36:01,619 --> 00:36:04,164 This is the most shoddy, disorganized production 888 00:36:04,164 --> 00:36:05,498 I have ever been a part of. 889 00:36:05,498 --> 00:36:08,084 John Rubinstein would never stand for this, 890 00:36:08,084 --> 00:36:10,378 and neither will I. 891 00:36:13,006 --> 00:36:15,342 Oh, fucking cock fuck. 892 00:36:15,342 --> 00:36:17,177 Is this some kind of fucking joke? 893 00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:18,386 Oh, shit. 894 00:36:18,386 --> 00:36:19,471 Oh God, wait, wait. Hang on, hang on. 895 00:36:19,471 --> 00:36:21,431 Clive, Clive, just listen. OK? 896 00:36:21,431 --> 00:36:22,766 You motherfucker! 897 00:36:22,766 --> 00:36:25,226 You think you can fuck with my head and live? 898 00:36:25,226 --> 00:36:27,520 I am about to beat the face off of you. 899 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,856 You're dead, both of you. You're fucking dead. 900 00:36:31,149 --> 00:36:32,650 Clive, Clive, just wait one minute, all right? 901 00:36:32,650 --> 00:36:34,569 Before you kill us, just hear us out. 902 00:36:34,569 --> 00:36:37,072 Look, I'm sorry we lied and said we were your dad. 903 00:36:37,072 --> 00:36:38,448 But think about it. 904 00:36:38,448 --> 00:36:40,408 What is a dad? 905 00:36:40,408 --> 00:36:42,243 It's someone who believes in you, 906 00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:44,204 someone who roots for you to do your best, 907 00:36:44,204 --> 00:36:47,165 and who's proud of you when you work hard and you win. 908 00:36:47,165 --> 00:36:48,833 We did that. 909 00:36:48,833 --> 00:36:50,377 What do you mean? 910 00:36:50,377 --> 00:36:53,004 We told you you could pass that math test and you did it. 911 00:36:53,004 --> 00:36:54,547 Didn't that feel good? 912 00:36:54,547 --> 00:36:57,509 And when you got that B-, I mean, what an improvement. 913 00:36:57,509 --> 00:36:59,219 We were there pulling for you. 914 00:36:59,219 --> 00:37:01,971 We were encouraging you to reach your full potential. 915 00:37:01,971 --> 00:37:03,348 We did all that. 916 00:37:03,348 --> 00:37:04,933 And didn't it feel good? 917 00:37:04,933 --> 00:37:07,143 Didn't you feel good about yourself? 918 00:37:07,143 --> 00:37:10,021 Yeah, I-I did. 919 00:37:10,021 --> 00:37:11,815 You've really turned things around. 920 00:37:11,815 --> 00:37:14,234 Your grades are better. You're smiling more. 921 00:37:14,234 --> 00:37:15,568 I am? 922 00:37:15,568 --> 00:37:18,780 All the guys in woodshop are saying so. 923 00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:21,449 I've been thinking about taking guitar lessons. 924 00:37:21,449 --> 00:37:22,784 You hear that? 925 00:37:22,784 --> 00:37:24,619 He's thinking about taking guitar lessons. 926 00:37:24,619 --> 00:37:26,579 Well, that's fantastic. 927 00:37:26,579 --> 00:37:29,124 Hey, we're going to be at every recital. 928 00:37:29,124 --> 00:37:31,042 - Really? - Absolutely. 929 00:37:31,042 --> 00:37:33,878 We are not going anywhere. 930 00:37:33,878 --> 00:37:35,130 Bring it in here. 931 00:37:38,258 --> 00:37:42,387 We are so fucking proud of you, buddy. 932 00:37:42,387 --> 00:37:43,888 There you go. 933 00:37:43,888 --> 00:37:45,140 Oh, OK, easy there. 934 00:37:45,140 --> 00:37:46,141 Easy there, Lenny. 935 00:37:46,141 --> 00:37:47,684 Don't kill the rabbit. 936 00:37:47,684 --> 00:37:49,019 OK. 937 00:37:49,019 --> 00:37:51,438 Hey, what do you say we have some cake? 938 00:37:51,438 --> 00:37:53,690 - Yeah. - And something healthy. 939 00:37:53,690 --> 00:37:55,316 All right, don't undermine me in front of him. 940 00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:57,318 Come on, let's go. 941 00:38:05,452 --> 00:38:08,955 I think we should try for another.